Void

There is this huge void in my life now and I am unable to fill it. In order to sleep in our bed I have had to leave all the laundry on his side so I don't fill so overwhelmed in the large empty bed.

I have never done well at being alone... and now I feel I am more alone than ever... even with the swarm of friends and family checking on me. It is my tendency to be independent when I need to... but I feel so alone when I am.

I am not one that can handle quiet. I like having some sort of background noise, but not lately. He ALWAYS had music playing, and it seems so unfair to be listening to it without him.

I ache without him, there is this part of me that is no longer there. It hurts worst when I finally get distracted or caught up in something else I am doing, and I mention him as casually as though he is still beside me,or even a mere phone call away.

Then I feel guilty for letting myself slip into such a comfortable situation that I could have forgotten his absence, and I know that is silly, but it is how I feel.