Today has been a little easier, I went out with friends to lunch and a movie. It was nice going out and getting away, but I found my self talking about him lots. I don't think it would have bothered me, or I would have even noticed except the night before I had found a forum for widows. It helped to read about others dealing with the same issues, but several said their friends seemed to pull away, almost because they were tired of hearing the talk about the one they lost.
It just got me thinking, how could anyone who knew you and your lost one be tired of hearing of them? I am sure some stories would be repeated, however when I mentioned him it was usually in response to something we were discussing anyway. I don't think people realize part of the horrifying realty of this type of loss is the worry that people would forget him. My biggest worry is that my youngest won't remember as much about him. I feel like I need to retell his stories so I can always retell them to my kids. It is why when people ask what they can do I tell them to send my their memories of him written down.
I feel like my emotions come out when I write. I can express how I feel when I write, but I feel like this computer is consuming me. I search it for answers, comfort, support, things that just won't come from staring at a screen. There is so much that needs to be done and that I should be working on, but I feel like I am pulled online, whether as a release or to vent, or to keep me busy so I don't dwell on the things that hurt.
