Prayer

I have been struggling off and on with my beliefs in the church I was raised for a while now, ever since something was said to my husband, and it has continued with tension in our families, and then with the death of my mother, and especially since the death of him. I am struggling to see how this "plan" is something a loving God would put into action. He saw some horrible things in his time in the service, that made him question his beliefs, but then to have a leader tell him his opinion as doctrine pushed me over the edge. I still feel there is definitely something to the core of our beliefs, just not in people's way of living them all the time. I am tired of judgmental people implying they are better then others.

Some of our church leaders came over tonight to check on me. They came right out and said they understood I was the more "active" of the two of us... who are they to judge that? They didn't even know him, and they were judging him. Then they told me to find comfort in prayer... how can I pray to a God who took my love from me, and left me alone with our children to raise? I don't need people assuming they know what will comfort me and give me piece. I don't need to hear the subtle judging of my deceased husband, you didn't bother to get to know him, don't pretend you did.