I think I have come to terms pretty good with our loss. I am not saying it has gotten easier, or that I don't miss him. I have just accepted the fact he is gone from us right now, and I have to learn how to do this alone for now. I find I am coping well, and I am strong for my kids until something catches me off guard, or something small that reminds me of him catches my eye. At the DMV they were going through the screens of my previous license and I saw my old Driver's license pic, and I lost it. He had always loved that pic of me, and my haircut in that picture. It had been stolen.
The other hard part that I have gotten good at coping with in front of others is that initial reaction when someone he knew finds out. He made friends EVERYWHERE. The grocery store, Kmart, the Schwans man. It is hard to see their reaction when they find out... I almost have to make it into a business transaction mentally... then I get in the car and lose it. I don't think he realized what an impact he had on so many people.
That look of pity seems to get worse the closer we get to the holidays, I love the sincerity of people who truly have lost someone close and know what we are going through, they understand it is okay to talk about him, and that helps in healing. And the look isn't of pity, it is empathy because they truly know what we are going through. The pitying looks are hard to deal with, They are the people I avoid.
