Why Now?

So I have "learned" how to get through this alone as best as I can, I think I am handling things as good as can be expected, then I have one of the days like today. I have felt tears inching closer to falling all say, and have somehow managed to keep them in. But why today? What set me off this time? I miss him so much all the time, but today while setting up work I found my thoughts constantly going to him, what he would think, or do, or say. How he would help, or do to help. I think of the times he would come into work, or things he would do out of the blue. I miss the random flowers, or presents just because he thought I needed it, or would like it. I like the days I can simply remember the could times, or I am calm enough in my grief to truly think about what he would say or do. But I hate not being in control of my emotions... I always have... and this huge loss has set me off even more than usual.