Grateful

There are always things going through my mind all day that I think I should post about or comment on... several times I wonder which blog I should do that... But lately I have just been grateful for all the help and support I do have. One night late in January when I had written lots (which is my main outlet for my grief) I just needed to hear from someone else who had been through such a huge loss... and maybe even young like me. So I went to the all knowing google. I found 2 sites in particular, a forum for young widows and a chat group for anyone dealing with the loss of a loved one. At first I found great comfort in them knowing others had gotten through it... but the more I searched the forum and hung out in the chat room I realized I am so blessed. Some of these online friends have no one in real life to support them, to lean on, to go to for comfort, or even just a good cry without judgement. I do. I have friends more than willing to come help clean my house at a moments notice. Willing to drop what they are doing and run my kids to one of their various activities. Willing to just listen and not judge, or think I need to move on if it is an especially difficult day.

I have said it before but it took me a long time to be able to ask for help when I need it... and I still find that hard sometimes.But I have gotten better at it. I am grateful for the listening ears in the chat room when it is late, and I just need to vent, and I hope I have in some way been a comfort to them as well... I am glad I have an anonymous forum to vent any of my frustrations and get feed back from others who may have had those same frustrations. But most of all I am so glad I have friends and family that are there for me, and not rushing my grief. Friends there for my kids, and stepping up when needed for extra support. Thank You.

With that I want to post a simple warning to anyone else reading this, who may be grieving as well... be careful. Don't get sucked into such grieving that you can't get out. I have found in some of my online searches for comfort, and even in some of the grief counseling groups I have taken my kids to, there are those who are grieving who have lost what is still here... life. They are so consumed in the loss of their loved one they cannot find the strength or the courage to move on. While the loss of my sweet husband is so consuming, and haunts me constantly, I have 4 beautiful kids to live positively for, I am still so young to be identified as a widow. I mention this because I do not want those I care about, and those who may find comfort in my writing to think I am stuck in my grief, that I have not embraced the life I still have, even though it is without my best friend by my side. Please in your time of grief do not be sucked into those people that thrive on their own and your misery.