My dad's big news...

So my dad called me yesterday and announced that is is proposing this weekend to the lady he's been seeing. I am genuinely happy for him. I didn't think it would bother me much, or that I would be upset by it, but I am finding myself constantly thinking about it. One of the feeling I am having I think is pure jealousy. With losing my mom first then my husband, I felt I had an ali in my loss, someone who closely knew what I was going through, and could be there for me when I had need of a companion. I think I am envious that he has found someone and is no longer alone. Now don't get me wrong I am in no way ready for a new companion, nor do I think my dad has simply gotten over the loss of my mother, I just found a comfort in not having to be the only "widow" at family events.

I find myself curious and wanting to know EVERYTHING I can about her. (I tracked her down on FB) I know I will never think of her as replacing my mother, or think of her as my stepmother. But I hope to become friends with her, someone to call for an opinion, or to go to lunch with or something.

I think I am just having a tough time with it being mother's day tomorrow. He would always go out of his way to make sure it was special, make certain the kids did something for me. Even when I lost my mom and wanted NOTHING to do with mothers day. I used to look forward to time alone. He would make a huge effort to take the kids out for the night and run a hot tub with bubbles and a book I was reading. Now all the kids are gone I hate it. I sit crying, or writing, or sleeping. I hate my fiction writing lately. I have tried several times to work on my novel I was so excited about and He encouraged me on... But now the teenage heroines father seems to die everytime I start working on it again... I don't want to relieve it like that.

I have so much I need to get done, but I feel like there is no point. I hate that my dad is out on a date, my daughters are babysitting so others can go out on a date, that the kids are all gone and I am stuck here alone.