It has been a tough week with my son being baptized, and it being Easter weekend. I find it more and more of a comfort being in the cemetery near him, but I ache more as well. We survived this tough weekend, but looking at pictures at my sister in laws it hit me... He will NEVER be in a picture again. Sure this might seem like a duh moment, but when you realize that all your pictures can now be classified as before we lost him and after, they all seem to take on a new meaning. I have not carried my camera around as often as I did before... I think because I hate to think of all the events he will be missing.
Saturday the check for his life insurance came in the mail... talk about mixed emotions. At first I was so relieved and glad... then tears slipped out. These are the final things left on the checklist to get finished. I hate that this silly check is suppose to in some way make up for the loss of him. I know that is not the intention... but it is how it feels. I will be ordering is grave this week and hope it will be there by fathers day... Almost like a final present.
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