V-Day

It is Valentine's day. Kris and I didn't always do something romantic to celebrate, but he always showed me how much he loved me. One year we took the kids swimming, it was great, we had the pool all to ourselves.
One time I was so mad at him, he agreed to work on Valentine's after I had planned a nice night. So I went out and bought lots of sexy things to tease him with, wrapped it up cute and delivered it to work... just to show him what he was missing.
His birthday is the week before and mine 3 weeks later so often times when money was tight, we would choose one of those to go out, and the other two we would have a quiet night at home. He would even watch sappy movies with me, and pretend not to like them...
He was a wonderful cook, and would always make me wonderful dinners to surprise me, I think later in our marriage he preferred this to going out, because he was enjoying cooking more and more.
He was good about flowers as well, and he had a talent for knowing where to get the good ones that would last the longest. One year I got some for V-day that were so beautiful, and by my birthday 3 weeks later they were still in full bloom.
I miss someone coming up and giving me a hug and telling me I love you randomly. I miss the quick pecks letting me know he loves me. I miss the hot bubble baths waiting for me by candle light after a long day.
I claim to be a die hard romantic, but I was NOTHING compared to Kris. I think I preferred the shock value.
Surprising him at dinner that I wasn't wearing panties, and watching him blush and not know what to do. Picking him up from work in nothing but his trench coat. Stealing the keys to the car in a parking garage until after he kissed me all over to find them.
I guess I miss the crazy fun stuff we would do. And I miss being that important to someone. I know I am to my kids, but not in that way. And sure I am dating a friend, but I have recently realized that if I date someone with kids, their kids will always come before me, and rightfully so. I just miss Kris reminding the kids that I came first, and I need to be respected. He of course loved them above all, but knew that they needed to be reminded that he would always side with me, and that they should as well...
So realizing this, it has made me wonder what is out there for me? I do NOT want to live the rest of my life alone, but nor do I want to settle for anything less than I deserve... And who knows maybe this relationship I am slowing building just has not reached that point, and needs to be given time.
I hate that I have to even deal with these thoughts and issues. I just miss Kris, and wish he was back with me.