Done with 2011!

I can not wait to be done with this awful year. Had more deaths, and a year of firsts, and it was the first complete year without him. It has been bittersweet. I say that because despite all the difficulties and obstacles I faced, I was always met with a compassionate friend, ear, someone to help me get through it. It has been tough getting moved out and starting over. Tough reestablishing rules with the kids as they continue to push limits. But good that we have gotten through this, and I know even though I can be tough to live with occasionally my kids will always know I am here for them.
I have been seeing a friend from high school and I can honestly say I am starting to feel happy, a little like the old me. I know he will never replace what I had, but I can be happy again. I am not completely heartless and "over" my loss either. I got a wonderful present from my amazing family, a bronze mold of his hand. It has been so nice to just hold it when I want to hold him, or feel his touch, but I feel again it kind of keeps my emotions on edge. I will always treasure it. I am creating a shelf of Kris, with his flag, pictures, memorials from his life so it is all in a special place so it wouldn't catch me off guard emotionally.
While I feel I still have a lot of healing to do, I feel I am making progress. I have grown, and I can recognize my strengths. I am empowered, but I still have so much to learn. I miss him everyday, but I know he is no longer in pain, and is waiting for me and our children to return to him. I look forward to that day, but until then I have learned there is so much left for me to do.
One of my earlier post I expressed how I felt like I had not grown or made progress in healing when I read through my past posts. A wise friend told me that the gaps in days I have written show I am getting along. I realize I have gone from posting on here daily to hopefully monthly. I can see a change in my attitude and in dealing with our loss. There are still days I feel broken, but I have learned to get up and move forward, even if I do get knocked down. Thanks to everyone who has been here for me with love and support. I hope I can return the blessings you have given me.