I survived the first years, thanks to the love and kindness of many friends and family. They would take me out when I seemed down, or show up when I just needed someone. Others who have lost a spouse have complained that eventually with time, others seem to forget. I just couldn't believe that. I thought for certain this awesome love and support I have had would endure as long as I needed it. Now don't get me wrong, I know they still care for me, and think of me. But I don't feel them being there for me. I miss company on weekends, several invitations to go to a movie, or grab a bite for dinner, something to get me out of my house. But lately I feel if I don't do the inviting, I find myself alone.
I had my first real glimpse of this forgotten feeling the week of the anniversary of his passing. I was already struggling, with not only his anniversary approaching, but other issues in life, and my in-laws choose that week to tell me I must be out by the first of the year. I think they feel that after 1 year I should be ready financially, and emotionally to move on... seriously! Then I have friends from the job I quit, that I worried if I quit I wouldn't see them as often... and I don't. I know they are busy with their own lives, but I miss those friendships. I know before I often was busy, and had to miss out on a lot of things with school, and my job, and kids... but I still would always be invited in case I could make it. Or if I was having an especially tough day I would miss it... but they would understand and still invite me.
Perhaps I am reading way too much into this, which I tend to do often, but I am feeling really lonely lately. I realize I need to get out, but it is hard to do alone, and most of my friends are married. But I still feel like I fit into that category, not single.
1 comment:
I get it. I wrote a similar blog a few weeks back. It was almost an attempt to get my friends to notice me again...but sadly they didn't. I don't think it's on purpsoe...but their lives go on while we are still trying to pick up the pieces of ours. So many people are there initially, but now after the shock has worn away...and I'm at my most alone...they seem to have forgotten. When trying to express to a few...I have been greeted with, "Remember...you could call me too." It seemed almost defensive...as if they knew what they had done, but were trying to justify it. I feel what you are feeling...I know it's difficult...but hopefully a few special people will always be there for you.
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