Insomnia

It is 4:30 in the morning and I have yet to sleep. I am tired, but my head is throbbing with a headache I have not yet been able to get rid of. I also close my eyes to try to sleep and my brain fills with to do lists, worries, kids, memories, etc. I can't sleep in my bed because it feels to empty without my hubby. It has no hubby because he feel asleep downstairs. I can't sleep downstairs because the kink in my neck from the angle of the couch increases the throbbing headache.

I am going to be completely non functioning in the morning.

Journal of sorts...

So I created this blog to use as I see fit... I am making it a sort of online journal. I have my goal blog which sometimes turns into a poor me and I want to keep it more goal oriented, so this is my poor me blog. I have also taken off all the gadgets that may attach this to moi... but if you come across it feel free to read it, I tried making it private and not inviting anyone, but it didn't work. So I just left it public...

This is my first poor me post on here... and I am quite certain it will not be my last. I am finding it more and more difficult to pull myself out of bed in the morning without some obligation to do so. This weekend was great, the kids were off, I was off, I would get up and get so much done. The kids went back today and I got them off and climbed right back into bed... for 4 hours. One of my jobs had to cut down on hours, and my other one won't schedule me earlier.

I have an anti-depressant, but I take it in the morning, and if I forget to take it right when I get up it doesn't kick in early enough. I also find myself thinking dark thoughts... like if something happened who would find me. Then I have these snap out of it moments and I hurry and take my anti-depressant and drink some caffeine and wonder what is going on in my head?

I am not feeling like myself.

I have also noticed I am much more motivated to clean when I have a specific goal in mind, like a big project accomplished or some other feeling of accomplishment... the simple cleaning up just doesn't motivate me.

I am also going to try to write in here frequently. I like to write, and like everything else you need to practice writing to keep doing it well, so I am using this as something of my practice blog...

Purple

Why purple you ask? well to be honest it was the first title that popped into my head and it has stuck. Next question should rightfully be what is the point of this blog? I don't know. For now it is the mindless rambling that seems to make little sense to me, and probably no sense to anyone who reads this. I started it simply because I find even numbers unlucky and 5 the luckiest number there is. So when I added my writing blog I found myself at the unlucky number 4... so I fixed it.

Back to purple. Purple has been my favorite color for as long as I can remember. Although I have only briefly had it as the color of my room, there are accents of it in my living room, and it was only my wedding color because my soon to be hubby knew it was my favorite and assumed it would be part of my wedding because of this.

Purple is more of a passion than a color. I use it as my password, (not alone). If it is an option in clothing or shoes I like it makes deciding much easier, I am drawn to it.

Now the purple people eater song is a whole nother story... I mean really